God is a Family Man

Hi everyone my name is Josh Pollard and I am the Adult ministries Pastor here at Renovation Church. Here are some headlines I read this week: “People are having less kids because life has gotten better” “New Study: Americans Aren't Having Kids Because of Cost” “Screen time robs average toddler of hearing 1,000 words spoken by adult a day, study finds” Did you know [Adults ages 25 49, married with kids: 1970: 67% 2021: 37%] that just 50 years ago, two thirds of people in the US ages 25 49 were married and had kids. Today, it is just over one third. Today we are continuing our study in the book of Ephesians with a passage about parents and kids. Which I’m sure, some of you hear that and instantly want to check out and think that it won’t really have anything to do with you because you don’t have kids, and you don’t live with you parents any more or something like that, and others of you are drooling for teaching from the Bible on parenting because your daily prayer is “God only you can fix this child.” For others of you who have struggled to have children, this may be an immediate spark of pain. Wherever you’re at studying what scripture has to say about this is incredibly important in an age when parent child relationships seem to be in freefall. it's hard to know how to parent in our culture that views children as a in expense item. So let’s look at today’s passage which you can find in Ephesian’s Chapter 6 on Page 801 in the Bibles under your chairs. [Ephesian 6:1 4 Page 801] Today we’ll be focusing on verses 1 4. Verses 5 9 include the section on slaves and masters, and we’re going to skip over that because we spoke on the Biblical view of slavery just last summer during our study of the book of Philemon and you can look that message up on our website, but the principles from last week, and verse 1 4 this week, are reinforced in that section as well. Ok let’s read starting in v. 1: Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” 4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Ok. So As I was reading this passage this week the question the most stuck in my mind was “Why is this here?” Like, we’ve been studying the Letter of Ephesians and this seem out of place in the letter? A short little instruction for parents and kids? I mean, just look at the structure of the letter: [Chapters 1 3 – The salvation is for both Jews and Gentiles. 4:1 16 – Together they are one body of Christ. 4:17 5:21 – Be children of light, not Darkness, by following God’s example. 5:22 6:9 – The Christian family 6:10 20 The Armor of God] Ephesian 1 3 was all about a how salvation is for both the Jews and the Gentiles. Chapter 4 and talks about how together they are one body – the body of Christ. Then he talks about how to follow God’s example and be Children of light, not children of Darkness. Then he gets to the section we are in all about families. And then after this, as you’ll see next week, he concludes with the famous passage about wearing the full armor of God. Paul’s letters aren’t just random collections of unconnected topics, So why is it that at the high point of the whole book is he talking about kids and parents? Well, it’s because how the family runs is one of the most primary ways in which we portray God’s image to the world. He could have decided to call us anything slaves, subjects, creatures but he chose to call us children, and himself, our father. God is a family man. You see, part of what we should take from the fact that this passage is at this point in this book is that family is a big deal to God. If we took this passage out of context we would just see this as a passage about how to function as a family, but on a much deeper level, this is also about why to be a family at all. And that’s something our culture does not understand. As Pastor David taught about last week, our culture see’s marriage as a way to make myself happy, (if I want to get married at all because what’s the point even), but like we saw last week, marriage as God designed it, is an incredible prestation of the Gospel to the world, where the relationship between husband and wife reflects the relationship between Christ and the church. That theme follows into the Parent child relationship as well. Our culture sees children as an expense that you can opt for if you want to give up on your self indulgence. The questions that we typically ask to determine if we have kids are “Do I want another?” and “Can I afford it?” Which can also be asked, “Will a new life take from my personal pleasure?” and “Am I willing to give up some material possessions?” But the placement of families at the high point of the theological book of Ephesians begs us to ask another question. “Does my understanding and value of family follow God’s example?” That shift is really important. The bible isn’t just tips on how to get through life it’s about how everything is different when you know God – the way you view things, the way you experience things, the way you prioritize things, the way you decide things – all because you are becoming more like him. Ok now that we’ve seen the passage in its theological context, let’s look a little closer at it. Verse 1 3 is addressed to Kids. [Ephesians 6:1 3 Page 801] It says: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” It brings to my mind a famous quote on how children typically behave, ; “The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers.” Do you know who said that? Socrates, sometime around 400BC. I love this quote because it describes the natural state of children despite place and time. And what is important to remember about today’s passage is that it is not general advice to all Children – it’s addressed to children that are saved. One of my pet peeves about many Children’s bibles is that they totally skip over Paul’s letters, but right here we see that the letters of Paul are for the instruction of Christian children. Paul wrote directly to children because the Gospel is for Children. The faith of children is a very real and powerful thing and faith in Jesus can transform a person’s life at any point, whether they are 4 or 94. The point here isn’t a moralistic teaching that kids should always obey their parents. It’s that if you are a child and you believe in Jesus, then you get to follow his example by obeying your parents. That is your act of faith as a child. That is your discipleship to become more like Jesus. When Jesus was 5 years old, what did he do? He obeyed both his earthly parents and his father in heaven. You see, I don’t want my kid to act like angels, I want my kids to know that with the power of the Holy Spirit in them, they get to act like Jesus himself, and that when they trust God and follow him, then the promise is that they’ll get not just a long and wise life here on earth, but an eternal life with God. Now let’s move to the Parents with V. 4: [Ephesians 6:4 Page 801] 4 Fathers, do not exasperate =your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. The first thing to notice here is that it is addressed explicitly to fathers. It is primarily the responsibility of the father to ensure children are raised correctly. Not just mom, Not the teacher at school, not their Renovation kids class or the youth group. It’s the father. As far too many people know, fathers can be a major source of exasperation, that is a source of anger, frustration, or annoyance in our lives. But those fathers are not “good fathers’ because they are not following God’s example. God is a Good father that does not exasperate us but instead brings us up. Not that mothers don’t do this as well, of course, but the final responsibility falls to the father. So how do we do this? How do we not frustrate our children. Especially when they aren’t obedient? The verse says to bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. So, you were right all along …”only God can fix this child”. the first thing we need to do is teach them about the gospel. Too often, Christian parents think that kids born in their family will just absorb the gospel if they are around it enough so we go straight to discipling our kids before we’ve made concerted effort to evangelize them, but Christians aren’t born, they are re born. Parents, primarily fathers, need to explain to their kids, as appropriately for their age as possibly, how they need a savior, God sent Jesus, and we should follow him to be saved. I’ve heard this passage taught that “If they learn to be obedient in the home, they will learn to obey God later in life” but in the context of Ephesians, that’s backwards. If they learn to obey God’s example, then they will learn to obey their parents. So if you haven’t yet, make an explicit effort to explain to your child their need for a savior. You’ll probably need to do it multiple times as their brains develop and they start to understand more over time and that’s totally ok. For us, bed time is usually a good time when I explain it to my kids. Now I don’t force them to answer because I don’t want them to just say yes without understanding. I usually say something like, “if you ever want to believe in Jesus and follow him one day then just let me know and we can talk about it.” That makes it a bit more of the child’s decision and not just an on the spot yes to something they don’t really understand. So, let’s say we have shared the gospel with them and they say they believe. One of the ways that their faith will be shown genuine and not just something to please mom and dad, is if they bear fruit – just like for any adult – do they become more like Jesus over time? This is called sanctification. Other than the power of the Holy Spirit, which comes into them when they believe, the process of sanctification takes 2 things, both of which are mentioned here. Training and instruction. Instruction means teaching. When Jesus was with his disciples one of the main things he did was to teach them. So proper understanding and knowledge is important. Parents, primarily fathers, need to take responsibly for making sure their children are taught from scripture who Jesus is and how to follow him. So have a bible reading plan with your kids that is age appropriate. One that I’m doing right now with my seven year old is that she’ll read a verse out of her NIV translation and I’ll read it in my ESV translation and then we just notice what’s similar and what’s different and talk about that. For our 5 year old we are memorizing the psalms together as a family at breakfast. For my 3 year old we just read bible stories for bed time. And overtime they learn more and more about what Jesus was like so that they can know how to follow his example. Don’t just tell them to obey because you said so, teach them to obey because Jesus showed us how to obey. Training is the more practical application. The biggest way you can do this is by example. If your faith is all talk but no action, your child will learn that Christianity is knowledge based – If I just think the right thoughts then I’m all set. But if, as the book of James says, your faith is completed by your actions, then they will learn that Christianity is obedience based – that you actually have to follow Jesus, not just know about him. Your lifestyle is the training ground for your family because it shows them what is important. A few examples are things like praying with them and asking them to pray for you, or a good one is praying with them for their friends because Jesus prayed for his disciples and we want to be like Jesus. Or maybe finding a way for them to serve people in need like going to our local outreach, valued voices, together, or writing letters to one of our missionary families, because Jesus cared for those in need and we want o be like Jesus. You can also show them how you organize your budget in a way that served God, because Jesus told us to store up treasures in heaven and not on earth and we want to obey Jesus. You can train them in hospitality by having your neighbors over for dinner because Jesus had dinner with all kinds of people and we want to follow his example. Basically, you listen to what God wants you to do, and then just help the kids to do the same. And all along you’ll need to explain why you do all those things. It’s because that’s the way Jesus behaved, and so you follow his example. And when it comes to honoring and obeying their parents, you’ll need to examine the way you honor and obey your parents. It will obviously look somewhat different because you are an adult, but if you are always talking about how your parents are so annoying and how you can’t spell smother with mother and stuff like that, even if your parents really are difficult then that’s going to train your kids how Christians treat their parents. Of course everyone’s got a unique situation and your small groups can help you figure that our this week. But take Jesus as your example and find ways to honor and obey your parents as is appropriate for your situation. And that can help your children see that even when it may seem difficult, honoring and obeying your parents is the right thing to do because that’s what Jesus did and our chief goal is to be more like Jesus. And if their faith is genuine, then they will be empowered by the holy spirit to grow in the difficult task of honoring and obeying you. Lastly, let me say to those of you here who for whatever reason, do not have children and it is a source of great pain. To you I would say this: every person that is not in a relationship with God is a child that He doesn’t have and wants so bad that he would die to have them. He mourns over their absence in his family like he mourned over Jerusalem in Matt 23 where he says “I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings”. He is a father who desperately feels the absence of a son or a daughter. So find company with him as he understands your pain more than even you do. And to those that don’t have any family, no kids, or parents, maybe no spouse, remember that God wants to adopt you into the family that all other families point to. He is the father to the fatherless and the church is made of his children. As romans 8 says: 14 For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. 15 The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship.[f] And by him we cry, “Abba,[g] Father.” Every child needs their father. And you can be adopted into God’s family today. In the Book of John it tells us that “12 … all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— 13 children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.” To receive him you turn your back on your life of sin, which he died on the cross to pay for, and live as His child instead. If you want to do that today then the follow up team will be over here on the side of the stage after the service and you should come and talk with them.