Submission & Sacrifice

INTRODUCTION Good morning. My name is David Sorn, and I’m the Lead Pastor here at Renovation Church. As a church we’ve been studying verse by verse through the Letter of Ephesians in the Bible, and today we come to particularly challenging passage for our culture. It talks about wives submitting to their husbands, and husbands laying their lives down for their wives. And we could’ve skipped it. In fact, the vast, vast majority of churches do. And you might have even excused me for skipping it as we talked about this when Paul said the same thing as we taught through Colossians last year. But the truth is, this is a topic that is so incredibly foreign to us, that we need more teaching on it if we’re ever going to think Biblically on this again. And so whether it’s a passage on gender or sexuality or even submission & sacrifice …you’re going to hear a teaching on what the Bible says here… …even if it makes your pastor sweat. And that’s because we’re committed, no matter what, to teaching the Word of God. And I hope, for the followers of Christ in the room, that you are open to obeying the Word of God….even if it’s hard. I suspect there are probably many of you in this room right now that would have come (or did come up) and thank me in January for teaching on what the Bible has to say about Gender & Sexuality…even though it’s contrary to our culture. But here, when the Bible’s teaching on your marriage goes against our culture, many of that same group of people will want to brush the Bible aside. But we can’t do that. We can’t say it’s true when it challenges other people, but it’s not true when it challenges us. Its truth can’t be dependent on our preferences. So let’s dive into this: Ephesians 5:21 33 PAGE 801 While you’re opening up your Bibles, let me say that I get that not everyone in here is married. But many of you will be someday, and you’ll want to know this. And even if you won’t, there are helpful principles in here for the Christ follower. (Ephesians 5:21) – NIV 21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. (Title Slide) So the passage actually starts with a verse about mutual submission. So don’t forget this 3 minutes from now. Paul is saying is that Christians in general need to submit, and serve one another. Out of respect, out of reverence for God. So before you can ever dream of being a good husband, or a good wife, you have to start with simply aiming to become a better Christ follower. And Christ followers, like Jesus, are to be foot washers, not people who demand that everyone wash our feet. #1 FOR WIVES & HUSBANDS Let’s keep reading. Paul is going to start with instruction for the wives. (Ephesians 5:22) – NIV 22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. Before I go any further let me say what the word “submit” does not mean. Because for some of you, you just hear the word, and it drives you bonkers. Submit, first of all, does not mean subjugate (to be under the control of the other), submit does not even mean “obey” It does not mean do everything your husband says, or anything remotely like that. And also the context here is marriage, so it doesn’t mean women obey men everywhere or anything like that. Submit is a positional word…about following another person. It’s not a word about how much value a person has. In fact, before we go any further into application, let me try and clearly explain how submission and serving does not equal inferiority We took a minute to explain this last year through 1 Corinthians, and I want to do it again, because it’s such a helpful point on an issue where many want to jump ship. In 1 Corinthians 11, Paul says this: (1 Corinthians 11:3) – NIV But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.  So we read, the head of every man is Christ. And we think, “That’s good. We want men to be led by Christ!” And then we read, the head of the woman is man. And many of us think, “Excuse me? I don’t like how it sounds” But then, look at what Paul says: And the head of Christ is God. The head (the leader) of Jesus the Son, is God the Father. Now, let me ask you: Is Jesus the Son inferior to God the Father? No. no way. In fact, it’s literally heresy to say Jesus the Son is inferior to God the Father just because they don’t have the same role and function! And so husband and wife are also equal, but God has different roles for them to play So let’s dive deeper into what Paul is talking about for wives and husbands. My mind thinks in charts, so let’s break this down for women and men. (Chart #1) Firstly, why does Paul tell us that a wife should respect her husband and submit to his Godly leadership? Because submission is part of how we imitate and become more like Christ. Remember, we ALL do that. (you told me you weren’t going to get upset!) Submission is a normal posture for Christians. And it’s imitating Jesus. Jesus submits to the Father. In the Garden of Gethsemane on the night before his death, Jesus, in dreading the cross, says, “Father if you are willing, take this cup from me, yet not my will, but yours be done” He submits to his Father. He comes under Him. So when Paul says to wives in verse 22: Submit yourselves to your own husbands as your do to the Lord… …He means that wives should serve and treat their husbands with a love like they would treat Jesus. That doesn’t mean your husband is God…he’s certainly not, (don’t “amen” that!) But here’s what happens, and here’s why you should trust God’s Word: if you are honoring your husband, respecting him, serving him, you will actually grow in your likeness to Jesus. Here’s the thing about marriage. If you are married, as soon as the honeymoon phase wears off, you will quickly realize that marriage ends up being the primary place in which you are made aware of your sin and selfishness That is, if you’re honest, and not always blaming the other person for your problems. And so marriage is actually our greatest opportunity for us to bring our self centeredness, our pride, our ego, to Jesus, and say: “Help me humble myself instead. Help me serve like you instead” Marriage becomes one of the main avenues for you to imitate and become more like Christ. I can’t recommend to you enough Timothy Keller’s book “The Meaning of Marriage” (Meaning of Marriage Cover) Which covers deeply this very point. And it will be available in our church library which, along with the rest of our 10,000 square foot adult wing, is opening two weeks from today! Okay, just so no one thinks I’m just going all in after one gender, I’m actually going to switch back and forth here between men & women So let’s jump ahead to verse 25, the first verse about husbands. (Ephesians 5:25) NIV Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her Chart #2 So why should a husband love his wife and lay down his life for her? Because “sacrifice is how we imitate and become more like Christ” So the husband is supposed to love his wife. But how? Like Christ loved the church? Well how did Jesus do that? He gave himself up for her. He died for her! Husbands, you are to love your wife so deeply You are to cherish her and listen to her like she is the most special person on the planet… You are to serve her so abundantly… You are to put her first so often… You are to sacrifice for her so much…that you would die for her… ...like “Christ died for his bride, the church,” THAT’S how you’re supposed to treat your wife as a Christian man. And I wanted to go back and forth here because you have to see how this puzzle fits together. Ladies, when this works as God intends, you’re not following a selfish, arrogant man, but a man like I just described. And can you follow a man who treats you and loves you like that? Yeah. And men, can you sacrifice and give everything for a woman who respects you and serves you because she is committed to Christ? Yeah God’s Word works when we live it out. But we have to be careful because there are too many irrational extremes on this subject Too many people just dismiss these verses like they don’t exist And too many people don’t read them carefully and just say, “The husband’s always right” That’s not what it says. We need to be more careful in how we study God’s Word I do think the challenge though is that neither of us are the perfect spouse. And so it’s easy to say, “I don’t want to follow him because he’s often lazy, or mean, or wrong. Or I don’t to want always lay my life down for her because she nags me, or she’s just bitter, or neurotic. (Title Slide) But here is where we are to emulate Christ Who loved his bride, (that’s us!) not because we had earned it, not because we deserve it, but simply because He loved us. And He saw what we could become through the vehicle of love. And I think this topic begs a lot of “Yeah, but what about my situation” questions? And that’s where I think House Groups is so important (get there this week)…because we need specific Godly advice from friends about our unique situations. But let me give you one specific example, and perhaps this will help. Let’s say one of you has been offered a new job, but it’s in a faraway state, and you’d have to move. How do you decide? Especially if you disagree? Firstly realize, that somebody in your marriage is already making big decisions. It’s already happening. I doubt you have a chart of rotating decisions. So as a Christian couple, what should you do? Here’s how we should approach it. The wife should come with a heart posture of submission (I will follow my husband). And the husband should come with a heart posture of sacrifice (I will be the one to sacrifice for my wife). And when you both have that Christian posture, and you’re both seeking the Holy Spirit’s guidance, I believe He will lead you in the right direction. #2 FOR MEN & WOMEN Okay, let’s jump back to wives: verse 23 (Ephesians 5:23 24) – NIV 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. So here is a 2nd reason a wife should follow the Godly leadership of her husband Chart #3 The husband was created to be the head. That’s not what David says (or what Renovation Church says); I’m literally reading from the Bible. And so either we hypocritically deny this chapter, or we seek to understand it. I trust God’s wisdom, so let’s look into this. When Paul talks about the relationship of men and women, it’s really common for him to refer back to Genesis (like he will here in a bit) He does the same in 1 Corinthians 11 and 1 Timothy 2. And these passages all point out that Adam was created first: This is what theologians call “The Created Order.” Adam was created first, and Eve was then created from a rib that was taken from Adam. And Adam was given clear leadership responsibility in that relationship. So in our verse in Ephesians, when it says, the husband is the head of the wife…that word “head” sometimes is translated as “the source.” Which is actually a reference to the Created Order, where Adam is literally the source of Eve. And so God’s Word is saying that you won’t truly thrive at the highest level in your marriage until you recognize that God created men & women differently and with different roles. And God created men in such a way that something special happens when they have a responsibility of leadership (and we’ll talk about that in a minute) But if you’re always fighting against that, or resenting it, you’ll be swimming against God’s current of design. By the way, one thing I want to point out is that after spending so much of my time studying Gender in 2023, I’ve actually come to believe in these verses for Christian marriages even more than I did before. Part of the reason that we have SO MUCH confusion right now in our culture regarding gender is because we spent the last 50 years (even in the church!)… …saying that there is no difference between genders. But there is a difference. And God was intentional even in the order in which He created us. Let’s look now to verse 26 and the instructions that God gives the husbands on this topic: So husbands are to lay their lives down for the wives to (verse 26 now) (Ephesians 5:26 28a) NIV 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives So men, here is what this is saying: Chart #4 You are responsible for your family’s spiritual development. The primary way you are meant to lead (that you’re the head) is through spiritual leadership. You’re the one who says: “I know everybody’s tired, but let’s make sure we make it to church tomorrow.” “What if we started praying together?” “Let’s start reading the Bible with our kids. “I know we’re both nervous about it, but let’s sign up for House Groups By the way, men, lead here. We have too many women who come to church with their husbands, but go to house groups alone. This is where you man up, even if it’s hard or scary. But that’s what leadership is. Leaders do what’s hard. Husbands, look at the text: Do you see that Paul uses the “present” language. It says Jesus is going to present us, the church, as his radiant bride to God the Father. And husbands are to think in the same manner. That they will be presenting their bride (and their family!) to God the Father. To say, “See, I worked with Jesus to help them grow in you.” “I helped my kids prioritize you and put you first” “I modeled how to live like you, Father” “I denied myself to meet their needs” If you want to dive deeper into this subject, it’s really important to study Genesis 2 & 3 (of Creation & the Fall) And in doing so this week, I saw something I had never seen before. After Eve falls for Satan’s lie and eats the forbidden fruit. Adam & Eve run and hide, but verse 9 of Genesis 3 says this (Genesis 3:9) – NIV 9 But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” Hold on a second. Who ate the fruit? Eve! But God’s first question was, “Adam, where are you?” To many in this crowd, God is saying, “Men, where are you?” “I’ve made you, and called you, to lead.” Gentlemen, look at me. When you die and meet God, He is going to seek an accounting from you first about your family’s spiritual health. He’s not firstly going to your career, or if your kids made varsity soccer, or got an academic scholarship to college. James says the things of this world are just a MIST, and then they are gone. Your main task as a Godly man is to lead your family in the things that matter most in the scope of eternity. And your leadership matters. (Chart #4) Some of you have heard me say this before: One of the most remarkable statistics out there is that when the mother of a family is the first in her entire family to accept Christ, 17% of the time, the rest of the family also comes to Christ. When the father of a family is the first in his family to accept Christ, 93% of the time, the rest of the family also comes to Christ. This is why you want to trust in God’s design even if as a woman, you’re thinking, “But I’m the strong leader! I’ll get everyone to church and do all the discipling and my husband can be in the background” Or if the guy is thinking, “Yeah, I’m kind of quiet, she can do that!” Men, there is something in how God designed you, that when you lead spiritually, it is SO influential for your whole family. And men, if you’ve fallen behind on this. Don’t just guilt yourself, don’t bury yourself in frustration or shame. Walk in the grace of Christ. He knows you’re not perfect, and loves you anyway. But you start to lead today. If you don’t know where to start, ask the men in your house group. (Title Slide) And before we move to our third and final point, let me insert something to the single people in the room. To the single guys, it is critical that you are growing in Christ before you get married. Marriage, and Fatherhood, are huge responsibilities. And the most important thing you can do now, is not to advance in your career, it’s not even to make sure you have a house and stable income first. The most important thing you can do is to grow in Christ You can be poor as dirt, but if you love Jesus, you’ll be the man she needs. And to the single ladies. It is CRITICAL, absolutely CRITICAL, that you don’t waste your time searching primarily for an attractive man, or a wealthy man, or a romantic man, but that you look first and foremost for a Godly man. Because if you can find a Godly man, who will lay his life down for you, and your future kids, those blessings will never end. But beauty fades, and money runs out. But Godliness is an eternal blessing. And seriously, it is better not to marry, than to marry someone who will cool your heart towards Jesus #3: BECAUSE YOU ARE ONE Let’s move to our third and final point, and this is one for both husbands and wives. It’s given primarily to the men, but the point is equally applicable. Leads read starting at verse 28 (Ephesians 5:28 33) – NIV  28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. And so the husband is told to love his wife as his own body. And let’s look carefully here Because I used to always read this verse in my head as “Love your wife like you love your own body” But that’s not actually what it says. The idea is that I am to love my wife because she IS a part of my body We are ONE body. And that is indeed why Paul again refers to Genesis in verse 31: The husband and wife come together as ONE FLESH; one body. And this is the 3rd reason why we should submit and sacrifice for one another: We are One body. Chart #5 And this reframing of marriage is VERY important. If you understand that your wife, or your husband, is a part of you, and that you are ONE unit…it will change your thinking. In writing about verse 28 where Paul says “He who loves his wife loves himself,” my favorite Bible commentator, David Guzik, says this: “When you love your wife, you benefit yourself. Perhaps it is better to put it in the negative: when you neglect your wife, you neglect yourself, and it will come back to hurt you.  We all know what it is like to neglect something – like a noise or a maintenance issue on an automobile – and it comes back to hurt us. Husbands, it is even more true regarding your wife, because she is part of you. Only a fool neglects his own broken arm or infected leg; yet there are many foolish husbands who hurt or neglect their wives, and (the husbands) will suffer from it.” And the opposite is of course true of wives who neglect their husbands. Chart #5 And truthfully, we’re suffering because we’re bought into the world’s view of marriage and not the Bible’s. Too many of us believe this worldly lie that the pathway to joy in marriage is for the other person to meet our needs. “If they would just change, and notice me more” “If they would help out more, or be intimate more, or, if they would see how much I do and appreciate me more! “They were supposed to make me happy.” But that never works because you’re seeing yourself as a single unit who is supposed to be fulfilled by anther single unit. But if you can see your marriage as God’s Word describes it: As one flesh, one body, one unit… …THEN, you will be able to love the other person, in part, because you’ll remember that by doing so, you’re actually loving yourself. Because you are one! When you get out of bed an hour early to fix something around the house, or clean the house, or make breakfast, that’s not draining something out of you.. …you’re actually pouring into yourself. You are one! Trust the example of Jesus: Of submission and sacrifice. Your marriage will come alive again when you stop seeing your spouse as someone to take from, and start seeing them as someone to pour into. Follow the example of Christ. Let me pray.